To 김종운, Kim Jongwoon, Yesung. To our beloved Prince of Clouds, Happy 29th Birthday.
I’ve begun this the same way as I did last year, but you’re hardly the same to me. Since your last birthday, you’ve been to New York, and a picture of Super Junior performing with you on the screen was on page C1 of the New York Times, and since your last birthday, I finally got to see you.
Last year I was very impersonal with my birthday letter…I want to write something more meaningful now (not that I didn’t mean everything I said last year), because I want to be honest. Even if you will never see this and even if you did I don’t think you’d be able to read it (so you’ll blink and scroll on to something else-a tab open to vivienne westwood menswear? haha), I want my thoughts written out because I’d like to think if you could read them, you would.
I still can’t really believe that I got to see you with my own eyes. Sometimes I have to remind myself I did, because although it’s not something I will ever forget, it’s something I never thought would happen. Aside from you being absolutely dazzling on stage, and aside from your “Hi, hello!!” being ingrained into my memory.. I got to see you smile, and it was then it clicked and I finally accepted that, oh, I’m really quite in love with you, aren’t I? But it wasn’t a question, and I think my friends knew before I did.
Sometimes all a person needs is one person, and when I was in a dark place and had closed myself off to everyone else, you were my one person. You are so amazing, in every single possible way a person can be amazing. You work through pain and assure everyone that you’re okay, even when you’re clearly not. You smile and do your best to make people laugh, even if it’s at the expense of your image. You put your family above all else, even though you had trouble in the past with your father and your temper. All the while still being a movie buff and reading manga and biting your nails and sitting with bad posture and saying things that people don’t really understand when you first say them (Tokyo in Yesung, Super Junior is like Batman, “나 가면 재미없을거야”…). You’re the most down to earth, talented, crazy, wonderful person I’ve ever known, even if I don’t “know” you myself.
I worry about you, as I’m sure a lot of people do. I’m worried about your weight and I’m worried about your health and I’m worried about how you see yourself. It breaks my heart because you are the most beautiful person in the world to me, inside and out, and I can’t stand to see you unhappy. I wish I could do something so you’d realize how perfect you are. Or that you’d meet someone who would help you feel happy with yourself. Wishful thinking, maybe? All I can ask is that you don’t hurt yourself.. you might be a grown man, but you still sometimes forget you need to pay the adult price and not kids when you go out with your parents, and as ridiculous as that is, it just makes me worry about you more.
I have so much to say but I don’t want to be redundant. I want to write out how I feel but I don’t think I’m articulate enough to explain myself. You’re going to leave to do your army service soon, and even if I know it’s mandatory and you’ll be back, I can’t help but dread it. What am I going to do without you and seeing you on shows and tweeting all the time? I know i’ll be okay when I get used to it, though. I’ll just miss you.
I can hardly believe you’re turning twenty-nine. You’re an old soul but young at heart, and your face doesn’t show your age at all. From your skinny wrists and tiny hands to the smiling curves of your eyes and your pretty smile, you’re handsome as ever and you shouldn’t forget that. I hope this next year for you is full of more music and more love and more happiness, because you deserve all of that. I love you so much and I can honestly say my deepest most secret desire is to make you dinner and squish your cheeks while you’re eating.
Please smile often and laugh loudly and continue to sing with your beautiful voice! You want to touch the hearts of people, and you have stolen mine. Happy Birthday, Yesung! ♥
p.s. I hope your mother stuffs you full with cake!
p.p.s. You need to start dating!!!